Open up a blank document. Motivate myself to type for a couple of hours. Actually type up a post. Edit. Worry. Save. Don’t publish. Repeat.
I’ve been in this vicious cycle for over a year now. I’m afraid to hit publish, but beyond that I’m afraid of what the people I know will think.
It’s pretty funny really. The majority of people who have stuck around or people who actually read these are people I’ve never met.
When it comes to creating content or writing, I could publish to people I don’t know all day. It’s like that saying, “What they don’t know, won’t hurt them”.
The opinions of people I don’t know, won’t hurt me.
What I need to realize is that the opinions of people I do know will only hurt me if I let them.
I’ve become so intimidated by the thought of, what if they don’t like my content, what if they think I’m an idiot, what if they think I’m a narcissist, what if I offend them with something I say?
Typing that last sentence opens up another thought.
Who am I to think that I have that much influence or power over somebody’s own emotions?
If something I say can irk somebody so much, then perhaps that is on their end to figure out why it bothered them.
As I’m typing and rereading all of this, it’s a cycle. Motivate. Write. Question. Save. Don’t Publish. Repeat.
I’m going to get more specific and relative to the blog for a sec.
At this point I should have an additional 20-30 posts on the blog. I actually have the majority of those saved as drafts. Practically finished drafts. I’ve written them, formatted them, and added pictures to supplement the writing.
These posts span and cover the past couple of years. I have posts from when I worked with a few different hostels and hotels while travelling. Personal posts. I have posts from various tours. Gear reviews from outdoor company products. Some are positive, some not so much.
Why aren’t they published?
It’s the fear. The fear they’re not good enough. The fear I’m not good enough or I’m not providing value.
It’s wondering what some of those people or companies will think once I do hit publish. Will they not want to work with me again? Heck, they’ve probably forgotten about me or written me off already.
Alternatively, I wonder why am I going to publish content to consume when I personally don’t consume content in this format.
I have made so many blogger friends over the past 5 years and I’ll be honest, I don’t read their content. It has nothing to do with whether they’re good writers or not. I just don’t consume in this format.
I’ll go on binges every now and again and read some motivational business type posts, but that’s about it.
For me personally, I consume imagery, I consume video, and I’m a voracious reader of books.
If you write an E-book on something that relatively interests me, I’ll buy it and read it in a heartbeat.
I dissect images. I love looking at angles, patterns and color schemes. I’ll see a picture and analyze what I think I could do better. If it’s better than what I’m doing I’ll pick it apart and ask why. I’ll dive into the camera settings, what model and lens, ISO, aperture, exposure, shutter speed. I love that stuff. This crosses over to video too.
I read books to get out of my head. I want to experience something different from my norm. I want to live vicariously and magically through other worlds and alternate realities.
Part of the reason why I bring those up is that I feel I’m leading towards a different path when it comes to media.
I love writing, but I love writing for myself.
It’s rare that I write something and immediately want to share it with the world.
I hate self promoting my posts through social media and shouting to the world to look at me!
Pictures and audio and video are different. I very much enjoy taking an image and posting it and sharing it. I love getting feedback and seeing what images intrigue people.
I began recording podcasts recently and am having a blast doing it. I’m excited to finish editing and getting them up and live.
It only make sense to follow where your happiness lies.
If you’re not excited about it then don’t do it, or do it until you can figure something else out.
Stop letting others dictate your life and what you do. We’re not given our dream life, it is on us to make the appropriate decisions to allow it happen or to create it ourselves.
I’m getting off track now. I suppose that happens as you write at 2am in the morning and your mind is going everywhere.
If you’re one of the rare few people who read this post in the next couple of days, bear with me. I’ll fine tune this post and edit and pretty it up. I just need to get past the fear and finally click that publish button for the first time in over a year.
In the mean time, if you can relate, I’d love to read your thoughts or comments. Do you have criteria or mental barriers to cross before publishing work? Let me know in the comments below!